Dr Joy Show with Cathey Armillas

Enjoy this lovely conversation with my friend Cathey Armillas. She is a Ted Talk coach, co-host of the podcast "It's About to Go Down", and pickleball queen. She is also an incredible wife, mother, grandmother, friend and woman who has learned that life just keeps getting better, in spite of the heartaches and challenges on this incredible journey to joy.

@drjoyshow
thedrjoyshow@gmail.com

Transcript

Track 1: 0:07

Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Joy show. I'm so excited this week to be interviewing my friend, Cathey Armillas, who I've known for over 20 years, we played soccer together back in the day. Cathey, welcome to the show.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 0:21

Thank you, Dr. Joy. So happy to be here.

Track 1: 0:23

So tell me about your current state of joy. How would you define joy in your life right now?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 0:31

Yeah. I love this question. I love your show. I love who you are. Thank you for having me on really. It's, this is an awesome thing to be talking about. Joy was not prevalent in my life for a long time. I had a rough childhood. And I don't even think if you would have said joy to me back then, I would have thought it was this like unicorn thing that only fake people had. It wasn't a real, real thing. but, I had a moment where I was transitioning from the corporate world to starting my own business. I think at that point I would have described myself

Track 1: 1:10

A proud angry person and I had a friend tell me

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 1:14

how do I not be so angry? And he was like, it's my friend Lou Raja. He was like, it's going to be easy. You're about to step into the speaking world where everybody is a motivational speaker about something. And he's like, happiness is going to be prevalent. Motivation is going to be prevalent and he was right. it really kind of transformed who I was

Track 1: 1:34

And, so now today, I would actually say joy to me, the definition I would give it is being present and content

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 1:43

and happy with the things that you have and not looking back or, you know, counting all the things that you don't like or that you don't have. That's, that's how I would describe it for me.

Track 1: 1:53

Does that proud, angry person still show up in your life at times, or does it seem like a distant person that you once knew?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 2:03

It mostly seems like a distant person that I once knew that I couldn't really recognize if I saw that person in a crowd. I will say there's glimmers of, it's weird how there could be like an express way back to anger, at points in your life with certain things. But for the most part, I would say I don't recognize that person.

Track 1: 2:21

That's amazing. It's awesome that we actually have the ability and the opportunity to transform into that unicorn. You know, I mean, once upon a time, that didn't seem like the person that you would become. And now you don't recognize your life without her, without that beautiful person. So I love that. Can you remember even in the framework of having had a rough upbringing, maybe an early joyful memory or someone that showed you what joy could look like? Yeah, definitely, my Nana Jane.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 2:55

I loved her so much. My Nana Jane passed away from breast cancer when I was a young adult. But when I was growing up, she was happy and she was in the moment and she loved her family and loved to be present with people. When she first found out we were moving to Los Angeles, she, told me something I've never forgot my whole life. She said, no, I want you go to California and I want you to make it big as an actress or whatever you want to be a singer, whatever you want to do. But I want you to buy me a mansion. That's next to your mansion. And we both have swimming pools. That's what I want. She just brought a lot of color and joy and happiness into my life. Like she's somebody I look back on and remember very fondly.

Track 1: 3:41

And do you remember growing up that whenever you knew you were going to be going to her house or spending time with her for a holiday or a family event, that it was someone that you always look forward to being with?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 3:55

Oh yeah, for sure. And I mean, my Nana's like that typical Italian, you know, so you walk in and just grabbing your cheeks and, you don't eat enough. Your mom is not feeding you enough. And you got to eat some Italian food and I always look forward to being in her space. I know this is a funny thing to say. She was the first person to buy me a training bra when I was a young kid. She's like, you need a bra.

Track 1: 4:19

Yeah, the person that you can have a joyful relationship with and who's still taking care of you. I also had the gift of a grandmother who was spirit and I knew that she was going to set me straight when I was wrong, but it was always going to be in a loving way. And it was never without a lesson. And it wasn't like a reprimand. It was more like, okay, this is what's going to make you into a better person. And that was always meaningful.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 4:46

Yeah. I love that.

Track 1: 4:49

Are there any of the traits that you got from Nana Jane that you look at in your life now that you feel like. You try to bring into some of your relationships

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 4:59

I would definitely say being a loud mouth being very vocal, being very loud, being very expressive, I would definitely say came from her and came from my mom as well. My mom is very, very colorful person. And, I also think kindness through hard situations. She had a really, really hard life. She had a lot of really hard things happen to her and she found a way to be happy anyway. She found a way to love the people in front of her. And I think I really picked up on that. I'm kind of in that space where I'm matriarch of my family. And so I know it's super important that I show up happy and I show up kind and I show up loving and graceful. And that's what I love to be. So in hindsight, looking back, that's, I think influence was big in that space.

Track 1: 5:48

Well, and your life has certainly changed what I would say for the better in the last couple of decades. Can you remember a time when joy seemed distant and there was adversity that you had to go through? And what did that look like? And the reference here is really, Everybody that I've met who's living from a place of joy now has had to go through some adversity, and I think for us to pretend that, you know, oh, there's all these joyful people in the world and it's not for you is really not true. Anyone can get there, even if it's just in a glimpse or in a moment. That if they're willing and open to be able to understand that adversity and struggle is part of the process. Like you don't get to become a butterfly by not going through the struggle of having been a Caterpillar. So is there something that you can recommend that was an adversity that you're willing to share with us

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 6:44

yeah, I can share it. It's happening right now. So I have a family member that is struggling with massive addiction and it's been very heartbreaking and sad and it's actually caused me, I'm writing a book right now called"Heartbroken, but Happy". Actually I'm in the midst of writing this book and it's really not. a how to for other people, it's really more of what I've done to stay present and stay happy for all the other people in my life, including myself, during this time of absolute, complete, utter

Track 1: 7:18

heartbreak

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 7:20

So, I'm glad you asked me that question because It's not even, I don't even see it as like, Oh, you have to go through it and then you can be happy. You can actually be happy in the middle of it. can show up and still be at what's now my normal level, which I would say is riding really high on joy and happiness. And it doesn't mean there aren't moments.

Track 1: 7:43

and I might

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 7:44

hang up with you right now and cry and then turn around 20 minutes later and have a joyful conversation with someone We can be in the midst of it and also be happy at the same time. When I gave my Ted talk, I talked about the two levels of happiness and I talked about hedonic happiness and eudaimonic happiness. There's a big difference between hedonic, which is like in the moment, like I'm so happy right now I'm hanging out with my friend, Dr. Joy, and we're doing something fun and I love this and I want to support what she's doing and she wants to support what I'm doing. This is awesome. And then my. Eudaimonic happiness, which is my overall, it's my long term happiness and my long term happiness has increased dramatically over the decades. And so my normal is pretty high. And so that really helps me.

Track 1: 8:32

That's such an interesting reference to be able to consider the difference between that moment in time versus the long term opportunity. And I think that people are often chasing happiness or joy, thinking that it's a destination to get to. And the clarity that you've just brought in that it can be there all the time. And how it resonates is really based on that particular moment that you're in. When is your book coming out?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 9:03

When I finish it. I don't really have a set date, but I will say probably in the next year. I've been working on it for a year and a half. Can I tell you one really the big premise of the book? Because I think it'll be helpful for you and your audience.

Track 1: 9:16

Please.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 9:18

Learned when I started writing it, because at first I was like, I was detailing all these things that I do. And there was very specific things that I do. And so I was kind of detailing them and I was like, maybe those will be chapters and maybe I'll do this. I was really thinking about the full map. But then I came up with a big aha one day and I was like, honestly, what has made me the most happy in all of this. this big premise of doing something does something because there's a situation that I cannot change. Like I cannot change it myself, but I can do so many things. And when I start thinking about the things I can do, I do them. And that brings me about happiness and peace and contentment and ultimately joy because I'm in control of other things that externally could help the situation in a different way, if that makes sense.

Track 1: 10:15

It totally makes sense. And in terms of a distinction, I'm curious when you say doing something does something, is it doing something relevant to the thing you're struggling with, or is it just getting off your ass and doing something to be able to move yourself into a different place?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 10:34

That's a good question. Cause it's probably both, but in the context of my book, it would, how I'm going to write it. is, I felt powerless to the situation that this person is in and I can't stop that person from doing drugs or whatever, being in their addiction. But I can do things like I can listen to trauma podcasts. I can help the kids in our family. I can be prepared and ready to go if this person ever asked for help because I've already done the research. Actually it was doing things specific to that, for that person, but not being able to change their mind or what they're actually in. But also getting off your ass and doing something is helpful Too. Both.

Track 1: 11:22

Sometimes moving can make a difference.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 11:25

Definitely.

Track 1: 11:26

You mentioned your TED talk. So in the realm that you're working in now, where. You're a Ted talk coach and you have a podcast. How did that all start? Where did you get into involved in that?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 11:39

Yeah, the short version of it was, I was the marketing director at an industrial shredder manufacturer, and I made all these videos on us shredding cars and torpedoes and computers and tires, anything big that needed to be small for recycling. our videos went viral when I put them up on the internet and it transformed my career in this way that was unexpected. So I left the company and started my own little, what I thought was going to be a marketing company. And I thought I would do that for other companies, but I quickly met somebody special in my life, a friend named John Waller, and he was running a video production company. And was helping him with his marketing. he ended up getting asked to give a Ted talk and I was already speaking on my marketing book that I had written. And so I was like, I could help you maybe and all of a sudden my world's converged and I was helping him give a TED talk and that's where I was asked after that point to stay on and be a TED speaking coach. And then as the decade would progress, it became something I was actually known for. And now 90 percent of my business is. Storytelling, coaching, Ted coaching, coaching, CEOs, coaching companies on storytelling and speaking and presentation skills. It's weird how a little relationship can show up in your life and kind of transform what you do.

Track 1: 13:03

There's a lot of different personalities that I'm sure you're dealing with when you're coaching people on Ted talks. What's one thing that is common for all the people that you're working with, like either a strategy or something that you're asking them to be aware of when they're speaking?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 13:20

Yeah. I would say one common thing that I always work on with people, whether they're giving a Ted talk or Even talking one on one to people is to always be aware that there's this invisible wall between you and your audience, no matter who the audience is. And it's your job to include them, to break it down by engaging them, including them. In the words that you speak and the way that you present stories. And so there's a whole psychology. I get into all that with people and people love it. I always say this thing to sum it up. I'm like, stories are from you, but for them. And once people understand that Me because now I understand the Are coming from me, but they're for them.

Track 1: 14:03

That's a great distinction.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 14:06

Yeah.

Track 1: 14:06

So you went from doing videos for your company, being involved in Toastmasters and then working with the National Speakers Association. And you mentioned that in that realm of public speakers, that there's a lot of positivity. Is there anyone who you have either met or become friends with that was just like a, wow, I want to spend more time. Either with this person, or with this group,

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 14:34

Oh, Yeah, I would say most But gonna go back to my friend who I mentioned earlier, Lou Raja I met right before I started my business. I met him when I was still kind of in the Toastmasters space. We met at a little leadership conference, a local kind of conference became really good friends. And he was already a professional speaker. And he was the one that gave me this advice is of

Track 1: 15:00

you don't want to be angry anymore you're about to step

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 15:03

into this world, he's somebody that has brought so much joy and happiness to my life. He's giving me a global perspective. He's from the Congo. He grew up in Africa. And he moved to Oregon when he was young. And so he has this kind of global perspective. And he has so many reasons why he should look at the world in not a happy way. There's so many reasons across the course of his life. And

Track 1: 15:30

he looks at life from the bright side

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 15:32

he always finds a way to be happy. He always finds a way to give you wise advice. He always finds a way to change your perspective. And those are the kind of people that make you happy. Those are the kind of people when you surround yourself with them, you're like, Oh, I see life in a new way. And it's beautiful.

Track 1: 15:50

That's so impactful too.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 15:53

As a side note, you and I reconnected and we had breakfast one day and the conversation we had made me feel exactly the same. We were talking about joy and we were talking about happiness and I left going, like, I love, I do this. This is my life. Like what?

Track 1: 16:12

That's so true. And it's so interesting because you and I have just been living our lives and growing into the people we're becoming. And so often I think of you. I'm so grateful for Facebook because wherever you are in the world, I'm able to follow your journey and your beautiful relationship that you've developed with John and who you're becoming as a wife and as a partner has been so Lovely to see how you guys connect. And it was great to be able to meet him that one day I came by your house. But you're one of those people that we haven't really spent time together off the soccer field in over 10 years. And yet every single time. Your name pops into my brain, or I see your name on something. I'm always reminded of that good feeling. And so I know that when I see you, when I talk to you when we connect, that you're one of those people for me that I always feel like brightens the room.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 17:12

Hmm.

Track 1: 17:13

How you continue to embrace the people around you Knowing that they're also going through struggles that, like you say, every day there's a roller coaster. We've got ups, we've got downs, we don't know where we're meeting people at in the midst of their daily life. How do you show up with people in your life?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 17:42

Wow. You are so full of great questions. Really, though, because. I actually started thinking about it when you were saying it. I feel like I do this naturally I don't know if I would have really thought about it like that. I would say experiences. I would say that's one thing I, I've

Track 1: 17:58

I was in contact with them more on a daily basis, you know,

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 18:02

for another person. When I'm hanging out with my grandkids and I'll do something silly with them or I'll make a tradition with them. I'll give you a little, for instance, we started this thing with them years ago called culture day and we're going to do different culture days and we'll learn about different cultures and sometime it might be an ethnic culture and another time it might be an arts culture or the culture of skateboarding or the culture of surfing or whatever different cultures. And one day we were like, let's talk about Japanese culture. So we went garden and then we went to a Japanese restaurant and we looked at Japanese art and we were talking about a lot of things that were

Track 1: 18:41

related to Japanese talking,

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 18:42

like, okay, I'm going to do a funny pop culture reference. And so I

Track 1: 18:47

played them the song by STYX, Mr.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 18:51

Roboto And he's singing in there, thank you very much in Japanese. And so it was just a funny little cultural reference. And I'm like, well, I can teach you just a little bit of Japanese in this song. It's become a tradition every time they get in the car one of the things we'll play is Mr. Roboto

Track 1: 19:08

provided and everyone is singing to Mr. Roboto.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 19:11

And I think that I imagine one day when I'm not even around that they'll be sitting around and they'll be like, We just used to do all these like silly things. My Nana would like, cause they call me Nana. And I like my Nana would play Mr. Roboto all the time. Every time we got in the car or just creating experiences wherever you're at. And I always try to take them out on physical adventures, but also joyful experiences.

Track 1: 19:38

I truly believe that we have opportunities to be a gift in the life of a child. And clearly your grandkids are lucky to have you as somebody that they can look to for joy and for enrichment. I mean, what a beautiful thing to do culture day and to learn about different. Ideas that they're not living in their everyday life because they might end up finding a passion in something that they never considered simply by being able to look at an art or a food or an activity in a way that they've never even considered because it wasn't in their day to day. Do you find that you are different with your grandchildren than you were with your own children? Sadly, yes, because

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 20:23

You learn things and you go, Oh, know better now I can do better, but I wish I would have known better earlier. So I could have done better earlier. Yeah. In hindsight, there was a lot of. I think experiences and great things I did for my kids to the best I could at the time. But I definitely think I have a bigger perspective on life. I have a more joyful perspective on life. I have a more wise perspective on life. I have a better understanding of, How generational things work. There's a lot of things in my bucket that make it a lot easier. And, I think that's why kids can be lucky to have different people in their life. You have active grandparents in your life. It's always a great thing, right? You have a loving, supportive family member that will be there that, can give you a perspective that you might not see from other family members. So, yes, the short and long answer is yes.

Track 1: 21:19

Well, what I hear you saying too, is that you have been given the gift of doing something in a way that is more mindful, because I know too having children that are in their twenties, I wasn't a perfect parent. I hope that I can be an amazing grandparent someday, because there are so many opportunities to be different also. And the responsibilities of a grandparent are they're still concrete in how they affect the life of a child, but you still get to send them home. And you're hoping that you send them home with tools, ways of being in terms of their personality and behavior, that they're going to be able to have a positive impact on your child, who's their parent. And they still get to learn through you by virtue of having that relationship with your grandchildren. So those are special relationships.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 22:16

You said that beautifully.

Track 1: 22:17

So the other thing that I am curious about for you is, is there anything that you do on a daily or weekly basis that's intentional in terms of bringing joy to your relationship with John?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 22:31

Yeah. I love that question because people sometimes think you try to find the joy within yourself, which you should, but the best joy you can find sometimes are with the people that know you the most and are the closest to you. And I have a very special relationship with my husband, John, and he is my life partner. He's my adventure partner. He's my meditation partner. He's my spiritual partner. And he has given me a life that I didn't know existed. He's given me access to a happy, healthy, contentful, joyous relationship. And one of the practices that we do is every day, once a day, we try to do this thing where you look in each other's eyes for a minute and it's super hard sometimes. It's so weird because you would think that when you look at somebody that both eyes are looking at both eyes, but that's not how it looks. You, when you look at somebody in their eyes, both of your eyes end up looking at one of their eyes. Switch to the other eye and then you switch to the other eye and it's almost this game. That's kind of a little hack for us.

Track 1: 23:39

not sure how they're going to be meeting you, but you have an intention of how you're going to meet them. Is there anything that you do to kind of center yourself and prepare yourself for that?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 23:50

Yes, and it's the same answer of also the thing that I do to make myself release my sadness. And it's music. For me, it's music, I'm so emotionally connected to music that I use music when I want to get pumped up. If I'm going to play in a pickleball tournament, I'm like, Oh, I need to put on my jams and I need to get myself pumped up and motivated. And if I need to get myself centered, I'll listen to a different type of music. Sometimes I'll listen to classical study music and and then sometimes if I'm on the verge and my heartbreak is really showing up and I need to get through it to get through it. I will put on music that will immediately tap me into those emotions that will help me release to get the cry to release so that I can wipe my tears away and. can jump back on the path of happiness again.

Track 1: 24:42

I love that music is such a vibration that I think everyone that I've talked to has had some kind of music that causes them to either. Lift them up or ground them down, in a good way. But you mentioned something that I was hoping that we would talk about today, and that is your journey as a pickleball queen. I know that you and your sister had started this pickleball tournament, and this is something that you only picked up recently in the last year or two?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 25:14

Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned it too, because there's, there's also a really big string of happiness there. When I was young and I was in a really bad situation, I sometimes look back and credit myself. The only reason why I didn't get involved in drugs or alcohol, I like, I never, I've never had a sip of alcohol in my entire life. It's like a weird fact about me. I've never done a drug, never smoked a cigarette. The only thing I can really credit it to is I got really into sports. So sports became Mecca for my happiness and in my mental health. when my sister and I were growing up, we did not have a good relationship. It wasn't good. The household that we lived in wasn't good. There was a lot of strife There was a lot of negativity. I joke around with my sister and I always tell her, nobody liked you because you told on all of us. You were like the tattletale. adults, my sister. If you're about to ask me who makes me happy, sister makes me so happy. I freakin love my sister.

Track 1: 26:15

She's my best friend, one of my best

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 26:18

friends. John's my best friend, too. And when I

Track 1: 26:21

thought about playing

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 26:22

pickleball to make my life happy, I was like, I have to suck my sister into this. So, I started a pickleball tournament called soul sisters because I wanted other women that I knew All for the same reason that my sister and I came into it. I wanted them to enjoy that sisterhood of such a cool sport that could bring us happiness. So yes, pickleball brings a lot of joy to me on so many levels.

Track 1: 26:50

And don't you guys meet at tournaments outside of Oregon? You meet at other places?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 26:56

Yes, we do! We're so nerdy! I started the Soul Sisters and she came to Portland to play in the first edition of it. And then I made another edition of it in Dallas where she lives. And now we play in tournaments outside of that. We look at Florida, we look where

Track 1: 27:15

Outside of Oregon, yeah. That's incredible.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 27:18

can we play pickleball tournaments? Because we're looking internationally. We're, we're trying to play pick of all tournaments wherever we can.

Track 1: 27:30

And I, you know, I have bought a couple of pickleball rackets and balls. I have not yet taken them out for a spin. And I'm like you. I grew up playing every sport I had access to, particularly when life was hard. I wanted to go hit the tennis ball against a wall or go find somebody that was going to go climbing with me. Like it didn't matter as long as I was outdoors, that was always something and give me a ball of any kind that was definitely finding a place of peace. But pickleball is one of those things that I think, you know, Mike, having been an athlete, his whole life too, that it's something that we keep talking about picking it up together. And I'm sure this is a summer that's going to happen. So I'm going to have to catch you off of our podcast and talk about like, where's a good place to get started, but I'm excited for that for you. Yeah,

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 28:28

uh, John and I have also increased our relationship. Um, you know, some happiness and also some struggles. I mean, when you play with your partner, you play with your life partner. Oh, Oh, it brings out, it brings everything about, it brings about happiness, but it also brings up, you know, you can tell even like where you position yourself on the court and who's going to take what hit. Like you can tell that that like also brings up how you show up in life. And so, yeah, it, it's, it's very fun. I, I wish you a lot of, you know, and work through through Pickleball.

Track 1: 29:07

we'll definitely pick it up. And I'm left handed. So I already know which side of the court I'd be on and he and I are incredibly competitive. So I think that's the tricky part is being able to combine the competitiveness with the playfulness and Every time I've just stood outside of a court watching people play, my gosh, the trash talking is hilarious. And it just makes me want to be there even more because, you know, you can, you can fight like cats and dogs on the court and then head out to lunch afterwards and just still be giving each other crap for, for that terrible shot or that beautiful shot, you know,

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 29:46

That's when you know it's you're playing with somebody competitive. You're like, if there's the trash talk, you're like, that's the, that's yep. And it's, and it's very fun. It's very fun. If you can engage in a very fun, healthy way.

Track 1: 30:02

Well, before we move on to our final five questions, I would love for you to tell our listeners what you're up to with your podcast. Like, who's your audience and where can they find you?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 30:16

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well, I'm Cathey Armias. I'm the only Cathey Armias in the world. So if you spell it right, you'll find me, um, on all the socials and all the places and even my website. And, but I, you know, I started a podcast. Back in 2020 with my partner, that I, one of my business partners in, in something else that I do, um, called Speaker Skills Academy, where we run a place where people can do drills for speaking. Cause we're like, people don't get good at things unless you're actually drilling or practicing. You don't get better when you're doing them. You get better when you're. When you're practicing your drilling, but we also started a podcast together called it's about to go down. The reason we named it, it's about to go down is because every time we would have a speaking engagement, that is the message that we would text each other when we're like saying, Oh, I'm about to step on the stage. It's about to go down. And so we would text each other that. And so that became the name our web show. We call it a web show. but we kind of run this web show where we have people come on and talk about their ideas and, and it's kind of a behind the scenes of what speaker coaching looks like. And it's usually the first part, like, let's talk about the idea. Let's like really find the best way to talk about this idea. And so we'll have somebody on the show and we'll have them, we'll talk for about an hour and we'll rip apart the idea. Like if you were going to give a TED talk tomorrow, what would you say? And we try to format what that would be. So that's kind of what it's about. And you need to

Track 1: 31:51

Very cool. So let's move into our final. Oh, absolutely. Just send me the calendar. So our final five questions, I kind of gave you a preview just so you'd have a chance to think about it. And so give me a song or an artist that brings you joy.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 32:12

Well, I love the song, joy and pain. You know that song, joy and pain, sunshine and rain. It's a really, it's a song from like the eighties. I won't sing it cause that's horrible, but that's the lyrics. It goes joy and pain, sunshine and rain. And it's a very upbeat song. And I love that song always makes me happy because it actually talks about what real life is. It's both.

Track 1: 32:40

right on. All right. A book that brings you joy or that lifts you up when you read it. Amazing.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 32:49

The, you know, our friend Yasmin Nguyen, I love his new book about joy. I, it, it is amazing. So the game of joy, it's, he is such a geek. He's so amazing. He, he went out to, to, to find joy for himself and he really. He, he went out on this huge road trip and, and, and he found joy and he found the hacks and he put it into a book and it's amazing. I freaking love it.

Track 1: 33:19

Yeah. I love his book. I bought a whole case of them. I actually share them with friends and patients and when I have people that come into the clinic and they're having a bad day, I'll tab either the section that's joy activators or the one that says joy blockers and they're assigned to read it and do one thing before they see me again. It's an incredible tool.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 33:40

Yeah.

Track 1: 33:40

What is a movie that brings you joy?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 33:42

This is going to be funny. Forrest Gump. I love that movie. I've

Track 1: 33:47

Yeah.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 33:49

watched that

Track 1: 33:49

Life is like a box of chocolates.

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 33:51

exactly. I love that movie. It just brings me so much joy. Forrest Gump. was so happy in life and just how he navigated life and the movie just makes me so happy, and again, it goes back to life isn't all happiness. It was a lot of pain and struggle and everything, but the movie itself makes me really, really happy,

Track 1: 34:11

Do you have a favorite lesson from the movie?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 34:14

Yes. Yeah. Well, you could say, you remember the scene where he's running the scene, like he's running and running and running and then people start running with him and he's like running across America. I don't know what he said, but I remember there was this moment in the movie where people are like,, why are you running? And he's kind of like, Why not? You know, and, that part in the movie always makes me kind of happy. And it's this moment thing of like, things that I do in my life that make me happy. And maybe other people look at it and they're like, why are you doing that? I love to make stickers for fun. I love to design shirts. somebody's like, why do you do that? And why not? It makes me happy. Anyway, it's a moment in the movie that I like.

Track 1: 34:52

That movie is so full of life lessons. I think it's something that every time I've watched it, I have really been in a different place in my life. And so there's always a different message that hits me that makes me go, huh. That's interesting. Or even just the historical references. I'm constantly remembering that those are important things to consider, just in time and place. So what about joy hacks? Are there certain things that you do either when you're in a funk to hack into joy or that are just joy hacks that live in your life on a daily basis? Yeah,

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 35:32

I'm going to bring in Yasmin's book again because you already mentioned it and so I'll re mention. He has in his book things that he calls joy activators, like what activates your joy? And so I would say that my hacks, I've already mentioned. Two. Music is an insta-hack

Track 1: 35:47

I can turn on

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 35:48

a joyful song and be instantly happy because music has that power for me. Also a major one for me is physical exercise. hiking, pickleball, especially I'm super competitive, but I'm going to go to one of my favorite places in the world waterfalls. Waterfalls are filled with negative ions and they bring me so much joy, so, so much joy. So that's a big one for me. So there's a couple of them.

Track 1: 36:17

It's good to have places that you can go when you need that release from what the world is bringing you on a daily basis. So the final thing is an Attaway and our Attaways are someone who you're celebrating because you're doing something great in the world or that you're cheering for, who's perhaps helped you along the way. So is there someone in your life right now that you'd like to give an Attaway?

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 36:41

I'm going to go back to my sister again for a second. My sister, the way that she's not only showed up in my life, but in our

Track 1: 36:48

family

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 36:49

I had a moment when I was going through some really hard times when I first started my business

Track 1: 36:55

and I would

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 36:55

call her on the phone constantly. And I would be crying a lot of times and I had this moment with her cause she was living in New York at the time where one time I was visiting her and we always had so much fun

Track 1: 37:06

always and I was visiting her and we were at the Lexington

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 37:10

and 52nd subway stop in New York she pointed out to a spot and she goes, you know how many times I stood right here in this spot on the phone with you and I wasn't able to go down into the subway and catch the subway home because you were on the phone. sometimes you were crying and I just knew I needed to be there for you. And if I went down, I would lose the signal. So I just stood there. Sometimes it was raining. And so I'm just standing under the cover and I'm on the phone. Oh my God, my heart melted in that moment for my sister. And I was like, she was doing this beautiful thing for me that I didn't even know at the moment. And you know, that's how she shows up. That's how she shows up for me. That's how she shows up for my niece. That's how she shows up for my

Track 1: 37:56

nephew. That's how she shows up

cathey-armillas--she-her-_2_03-03-2024_121623: 37:58

for my kids and my grandkids and my husband. My sister, my sister, Karen, she's awesome.

Track 1: 38:04

Amazing. Well, Cathey, thank you so much for spending time with us today. I love you. I can't wait until the next time we get a chance to get together for lunch and dig in some deeper on things that you're doing. And I'm really enjoying the rekindling of this friendship that we have. And friends, if you want to connect with the Dr. Joy show, go to Instagram.@drjoyshow and I would be happy to connect with you if you want to message me and keep listening. We will be dropping episodes every Wednesday, so keep choosing joy.